How Sherlock got banned from Tesco
by Redrose001
Summary: Sherlock is forced to get milk and he gets into and causes a bit of trouble for himself and others. John has given him the task of not getting arrested but Sherlock might not be able to accomplish that task.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:I unfortunately don't own Sherlock. All rights belong to the BBC and blah blah blah. This is my first proper fanfiction so please be nice._

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The day Sherlock had to get milk was a bad day for everyone involved. It was a cold December morning and it snowed heavily during the night. The whole of London had been covered by a thick coating of the stuff. The snow made the normal bustle of the city come to an almost standstill. The brave and the crazy were outside wearing several layers of clothing as they tried to explore the frozen wasteland that London had become.

Sherlock was bored, completely and utterly bored. He had no experiments to do as the one he was conducting required little observation to it. Also John got rid of the head in the fridge as apparently it was too 'unhygienic' to keep, and he moaned about the fact that he would like to keep food in the fridge, instead of body parts. There were no cases for him to do and Scotland Yard was closed due to the snow. Sherlock watched the news, getting more and more frustrated as no crimes had happened lately.

"The criminals have not done any crimes, thanks to the bloody weather." Sherlock grumbled to himself "Putting me out of the job."

He would have complained to John about the lack of criminal activity, but John was apparently stuck in bed with a cold. Sherlock decided the only thing he could do until something interesting happened was to make up a cup of tea and think of ways to kill Anderson only using a pencil.

Sherlock went into the kitchen and started to look for things to make tea. He located the tea bags easily, the sugar was slightly harder to find, but he managed to find it. He opened up the fridge to find the milk. There was none left, apart from the empty carton that had a note from John stuck to it. Written in John's scribbly handwriting it said:

'If you want milk Sherlock buy it yourself. I'm not buying milk until you go to the shop yourself and buy it yourself. I mean it-John.'

Sherlock slammed the fridge door close and mumbling his thoughts about his hatred of John Watson. He whipped out his phone and rapidly started texting his rage about milk to John.

_We are out of milk-SH_

_Go and get it your self- JW_

_I want tea and we are out of milk-SH_

_Sherlock, go and just get the bloody milk, make your tea and shut up- JW_

_I don't want to get the milk-SH_

_Sherlock, just get the milk or no crime scenes for a month. I'm meaning it-JW_

_You wouldn't- SH_

_I will phone Lestrade and tell him not to give you cases anymore-JW_

_Fine. I will get the milk. Shame on you John Watson-SH_

Sherlock slammed down his phone and stormed off to get dressed. John smirked as he got the text from Sherlock. He had won. Watson -1 to Holmes- 0. He rolled over in his bed and hoped that Sherlock wouldn't cause too much trouble for the people in Tesco's.

Sherlock huffily put on his jacket and his scarf, he was thinking of ways to put poison in John's food without him noticing. The TV was on the weather report, with the presenter who was obviously having an affair with her husband, and the husband was having an affair as well. Sherlock absolutely hated her. The main reason was that she sounded too happy while presenting a boring subject like the weather and she obviously had no clue about what she was talking about. The images of the streets of London were on the screen, with clips of large traffic jams and people waddling along the streets like penguins.

"**Due to the amount of snow and extreme weather, three car accidents have taken place within the past hour. The roads are blocked are expected to remain blocked for at least a few hours. The roads and pavements are covered in ice so be warned if you do go out. It is expected to snow heavily throughout the day; residents are recommended to stay inside for the day. And back to the news I'm…"**

Sherlock threw the remote at the TV screen; it had managed to get itself lodged in the screen. John shouted from his bedroom "Sherlock what have you done this time?" He started to climb down the stairs "If you have blown up or destroyed something again, or so help me!" Sherlock knowing that an angry John would be the end of him, he bolted out of the flat and went into the tundra of London. The presenter that Sherlock absolutely hated was right about something for once in her life. Right now It was snowing heavily, the moment that Sherlock had stepped outside his black jacket was white. The roads were completely jammed and they looked if they wouldn't have much movement to them for hours. Realising that he would have a snowflakes chance in hell, when trying to get a taxi, he would have to walk.

Shielding his eyes against the snow he managed to slowly trudge against the snow. Large areas of the ground were covered with ice. The blizzard that was currently taking place got heavier. Sherlock squinted his eyes more as he tried to see against the snow. He could barely see anything, apart from the faint figures of people struggling against the storm. Sherlock saw the brief glow of the Tesco sign, illuminated against the white land. Sherlock grinned at the sight of the sign and quickened up his pace. Tesco was his refuge and he was not wanting to spend any more time outside. Taking long strides to the shop, he felt his foot slip on ice. Then in the next second both of his legs were up in the air and he was lying on the ground. Wetness started to leak through his coat. Sherlock normally loved his coat, but at the moment he hated it. The water had made his coat heavy and hard to walk around in. He struggled with his wet clothes as he walked the last fifty meters until he got into the shop. He waddled into the shop with his shoes squelching with every step he took. To his utter horror the shop was filled to the brim with people heaving trolleys with large quantities of food as if they were preparing for the apocalypse.

The detective made his way through the shop narrowly dodging people who were armed with several loaves of bread and other food related items. A mother with four children who were running rampage throughout the shop, approached Sherlock. Sherlock quickly deduced: not married, all the children had different fathers, she has problems with relationships in the past due to her children. She had her first child while she was sixteen and is only in her mid-twenties, all children are under six years old. The mother handed three of her children to Sherlock and kept hold of the youngest one.

"Keep hold of these three." She demanded in her uneducated accent "I need to change 'im." She stalked away with the toddler squirming out of her arms, just before she squawked at her children to try and behave for the detective that was now a babysitter. Just as she left, Sherlock looked at the children and counted them. One was missing. In the space of less than a minute Sherlock has lost someone else's child. "Great, just great." Right now, Sherlock knew that he would definitely need cigarettes or at least enough nicotine patches to cover his whole body, just to cope for the day he had. Not knowing what to do he placed the children in one of the trolley lockers and made them stay with the promise of getting sweets. He whipped out his phone again and started to text John.

_John, I've lost a child – SH_

_What!- JW_

_I was in the shop, a woman gave me three of her children and I have lost one SH_

_Why would anyone trust you with their children? –JW_

_I deduced that she isn't a good mother since she left three of her children with a complete stranger SH_

_OK. Do you know where the other children are? –JW_

_I have placed them in a trolley locker SH_

_That is cruel, even for you -JW_

_It is fine, I told them I would buy them sweets if they stay in the locker and they are quiet –SH_

_Why have you put them in a trolley locker? Just as a matter of interest JW_

_John if you were paying attention, I told you that I have lost a child and placed the other children in a trolley locker so that they won't go missing so I can find the missing child –SH_

_Couldn't you call security and they could find the child for you? –JW_

_Why would I do that? The police are Idiots and so are security. It would be easier if I do it myself. – SH_

_Whatever. Try not to get arrested. Buy Jam. -JW_

Sherlock placed the key in the locker and making sure that the other children would stay quiet, he started on his quest to find the missing child. As he was walking the children in the locker were yelling about what sweets they were wanting. The girl who was about four years old was screeching about wanting Skittles at the top of her lungs. The other shoppers didn't notice Sherlock hiding two children, as that part of the supermarket was deserted, but when that girl started to scream, the other shoppers emerged from their isles. Sherlock scanned the scene, everyone was staring at him. A security guard with a large moustache was starting to walk towards him. Not wanting to disappoint John by getting arrested, he put good use to his acting skills. He slipped into the role of a nervous man looking for a pet dog. Sherlock went up to the guard with tears in his eyes.

"Excuse me sir. My dog ran into the shop as I was taking it for a walk. Skittles doesn't like the snow, it hurts her paws." Sherlock made up "My son will be so disappointed that I have lost his dog. He will tell his mother and she will leave me for sure." He whimpered covering up his eyes.

The security guard wasn't a caring person, but he loved puppies, other than puppies the only thing he loved was his moustache. He couldn't let someone suffer from a missing puppy, like what he did when he was a boy. He reached over to Sherlock and awkwardly patted his shoulder. "We will find your puppy, even if it is the last thing I ever do."

Sherlock sniffed "Thank you ever so much my son will be so thankful." The guard went to his belt and picked up his radio and sent the message

"Code three fifteen missing puppy in the shop. Repeat code three fifteen. We need back up." Within seconds a whole band of security guards came out of the staff room and spread out around the shop looking for the fictional puppy. The guard with the moustache walked over to the loud-speaker

'**Attention to all shoppers, there is a puppy in the shop. Don't be alarmed and help find it. The puppy responds to the name Skittles. The store will be on lock down from now until the dog is found. No one will be able to get in or out the shop until the dog is found. Thank you'**

The guard pressed a button on the wall and metal shields covered all the windows and the doors. Customers ditched their baskets and started walking around looking for a dog. A guard opened a box of biscuits and made a trail for the dog to follow. Sherlock sighed at the people, how could they be so stupid? What next tell them that gullible is painted on the ceiling, they would probably believe him. He went to the trolley locker and reminded the children locked inside to pretend that they were playing a game of 'hide and seek' and he would buy them extra sweets if they didn't get found. He pulled out his phone and texted John again.

_I am never getting milk again. Shame on you John Watson, for making me go to Tesco. I have ruined my coat, lost a child and I need to get a puppy. I am going to be banned from the shop by the end of the day, I hope you are happy. –SH_

_Why do you need a puppy? It is the shop you are in, not a park. –JW_

_It is best not to ask. I will give you the story later with the bill for the dry cleaners for my coat. You put me through this and you will suffer. -SH_

Sherlock shoved his phone in his pocket and was planning to make sure that John would suffer for making him go to the shop after the ordeal he was experiencing. Going through the shoppers he was thinking of a way to find a missing child and where to get a puppy in such short notice.

Meanwhile at the flat John shuddered after reading the text. No one ruined the coat of awesomeness and lived. The moment Sherlock was came home; John knew that being in the war would be more pleasant than being with an angry Sherlock.

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Thank you for reading! You are a beautiful person for reading this. I hope to have the next chapter up soon :).


	2. Anderson

Sherlock had no clue where a child would go in a shop. The shop wasn't exactly a fun place to in; there wasn't anything exciting in the shop. There was food and that was about it. He inspected the butchers and the aisle with rat poison. Those were fun places for him to go, mostly as he recently had a case that involved a butcher that poisoned his meat with rat poison. He tried to get into the mind sight of someone stupid. Seconds later he walked into Anderson with a shopping basket.

"What are you doing here, Anderson?" Sherlock asked as he watched someone who was crawling their hands on knees looking under the shelves for a dog. Anderson rolled his eyes at the stupid question.

"Watch where you are going"" Anderson sneered "What does it look like I'm doing?" Despite Sherlock apparently being a 'genius' he did ask some stupid questions. "I bet it is you who caused the lock in, isn't it?" Anderson reached over and grabbed a jar of something from a shelf and placed it in the basket.

"I may or may not have caused the lock in." Sherlock stated "But I will leave you to find the answer yourself, it is not that difficult. You might even get it right and you can post that on your blog. Your one follower will be so proud of you. But they have to be as they are your mother."

"Shut up." Anderson growled "You have caused it. I know you have. This is just another of your freaky things you do. Just you wait until Lestrade finds out and he will get rid of you."

Sherlock wasn't paying attention as he inspected the contents of Anderson's basket. Among the normal things such as: a ready meal for one and a TV Times magazine. There was a box of tissues, a bottle of lotion and a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Sherlock smirked "I take it that you are not expecting company tonight?" Anderson paled and spluttered something about how he was reading it for his book club. "Sure you are." Sherlock chuckled "I would love to see your bedroom under a black light. Imagine all the suspicious stains you would find." Anderson suddenly wished that he didn't even bother coming to the shop as he was getting interrogated by a psychopath. Anderson turned his back to Sherlock and tried to think of a way to get out of the shop.

"You can't get out of the shop until a dog is found." Sherlock stated casually, like it was a completely normal occurrence to him, but this is Sherlock we are talking about, what is normal for him? Letting his curiosity get to him and the possibility of getting Sherlock kicked off the crime scenes he asked.

"So we are locked in here until someone finds a dog? Why does someone need to find a dog?" he asked hoping that Sherlock would brag about it. Sherlock began to list off the events of the day.

"A woman gave me her children to look after as she had to change her baby." Anderson snorted at the stupidity of the woman.

"Who would want you to look after their children? You're a psychopath!" Suddenly Anderson's day was getting better, the freak would be off crime scenes by the afternoon. "Please continue."

Sherlock sighed at Anderson's stupidity, any idiot would know what a psychopath was. "First of all Anderson I'm not a psychopath, I'm a highly functioning sociopath. And back to my story. One of the children has gone missing and I need to look for them. I have locked the others in a trolley locker while I need to look for the missing one. The reason for the dog is because the girl shouted that she wanted a certain type of sweets and people looked at me funny, so I told them that I had a dog that ran into the shop due to the snow and the shop is in locked in." Anderson was mentally jumping up and down and squealing like a little girl. The moment he told Lestrade about this, the Freak would be in a jail cell at least. He couldn't wait to tell Lestrade.

"Why did you lock the children in a trolley locker? That is against their human rights. You will get arrested for that and you will be off the cases." He said gleefully, today was going to be the best day ever. Anderson was planning what to call his latest post on his blog, his mother would be so proud with him. Anderson whipped out his phone and was about to text Lestrade when Sherlock replied.

"They agreed to go into the locker. I told them that it is a game and I would get them sweets if they stayed in the locker and if they stayed quiet. Second of all you are not going to tell Lestrade about this as you are going to help me find the child and a dog."

Anderson snorted "What makes you think I am going to help you? You put yourself in this mess and you can suffer the consequences."

Sherlock sighed "Unfortunately Anderson, you're the only idiot that can possibly help me in this scenario and don't ask how." Sherlock hated asking for help normally, but asking Anderson to help was a major blow to his pride. "And I've got something to encourage you to assist me."

Anderson considered helping the Freak only if bribe was something good like money or Sherlock quitting cases. Anderson nodded and mumbled something about maybe helping Sherlock. He didn't want to do it but it could benefit him in the long term. "So why are you needing my help? Couldn't you ask John to help you?" He asked as he placed his basket on an empty space on the shelf, he could collect it later.

"Anderson you are an idiot so you will be able to get into a child's mind set and think of places where a child might go in a shop. I think that you will be able to do this as you seemed to struggle with that children's puzzle on the menu at that restaurant last week. I would get John to assist me but he is at the flat. And if you don't help me I will post the naked pictures of you, that I found on your computer all around Scotland Yard an on the internet."

Anderson went pale "I…had…a password on my computer." He spluttered, he knew that he would have to help now. If Lestrade found those pictures he would be fired and he needed the money.

Sherlock smirked "Your password wasn't exactly hard to guess. I recommend that you change it from 'Sherlock sucks' to something else. Also you have some questionable internet history that people at Scotland Yard would love to know about. Also don't get me started on your internet dating profile. So are you going to help me?" Anderson mumbled something about how this was against his human rights.

"Since you are helping me, I have three rules. Number one: Don't talk out loud unless it is something of importance. If you must talk raise your hand. Number two: Don't do something idiotic, that might be hard for you, but try and not do anything stupid. If you do think of something along the lines of "Should I do this?" the answer is most likely to be no. And finally number three: Don't do anything that will get us arrested. Lestrade and John will kill us. I need to make John suffer for making me get milk, and I can't do it from a jail cell." Once Anderson muttered something about Sherlock being a psychopath, the two of them started investigating the shop together. During this Anderson was thinking of as many ways as he could on how to kill Sherlock with a lightbulb.


	3. John is not my boyfriend!

_Disclaimer: Sherlock doesn't belong to me… blah blah blah... I just would like to say thank you to all the positive feedback for this story, you guys are awesome!_

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"Where on earth would we find a dog in a supermarket?" Anderson asked for about the fiftieth time in the half an hour he had been with Sherlock. He hoped that they would find the dog and the child soon, as it meant that he could go home and change the password on his computer and remove the naked pictures before Sherlock got to them.

"For the last and final time Anderson, I have no idea and I can't exactly pull one out of thin air from my coat. And you talking is not letting me think." Sherlock wondered why he even bothered going outside as he was stuck with idiots like Anderson again. Sherlock took out his phone out of his pocket after feeling it vibrate.

_Sherlock it has been three hours, are you almost finished? –JW_

_John, I am with Anderson at the moment, I'm surprised that I haven't been here for longer. Every minute I spend with him feels like an hour, a really boring one. –SH_

_Why are you with Anderson? You hate his guts. – JW_

_It's a long story. Basically the shop is in lock in because of a missing dog. And Anderson is with me as he has a questionable amount of internet history. –SH_

_How do you know about his internet history? Doesn't he have a password on his computer? –JW_

_He does have a password on his computer, it wasn't a really good one. But this is Anderson we are talking about. –SH_

_How did you know about his password? You know that passwords are meant to be secret so that someone can't go into their computer. –JW_

_I know that passwords are meant to be secret, I'm not an idiot. His password was merely child's play. It was so obvious, 'Sherlock sucks'. It wasn't that challenging. On the topic I recommend that you change the password on your laptop. –SH_

_What is wrong with my password? –JW_

_You keep using the same two passwords all the time either it is your birthday or 'Afghanistan'. Please change your password, it gets so boring when I am trying to hack into your computer as there is no challenge. It would be easier for the both of us if you remove the password. –SH_

_The reason that I have a password is because I don't want you to use my laptop. You have your own computer, so use it! –JW_

_Mycroft has hacked into my computer, so he knows what I am doing at all times. –SH_

_I don't think you would have anything on your laptop, that Mycroft would find interesting or what he could use as blackmail. –JW_

_I do have interesting things on my laptop, I have those pictures for the case with the nun who had her head blown off. –SH_

_How did she get her head blown off? –JW_

_Exploding toffee. She ate it and her head exploded from the chemicals. –SH_

_Willy Wonka gone mad. Reminder I am not eating toffees as I like having my head on my body. –JW_

_John ,don't be an Idiot. It was only five boxes of toffees that had the chemicals in them, and last time I checked you were not a nun so you will be fine. I need to go Anderson is doing something stupid. –SH_

Anderson had made his way up to a security guard and was asking him about dogs and small children. This was probably the only sensible thing Anderson had ever done in his life. Sherlock on the other hand was not happy about what he was doing. He stormed up to Anderson and reached over and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and started to drag him away. Anderson was yelling about how a psychopath was kidnapping him and squirming around like a fish out of water. The guard gave them a strange look and was about to intervene when Sherlock stopped him before he could say anything.

"Thank you so much for finding Frederick, he tends to run away when no one is looking." Sherlock chuckled as he elbowed Anderson in the ribs to shut him up. "Frederick it wasn't very nice for running away from mummy. You know how upset she gets when you run away from her." Anderson grumbled about Sherlock being an idiot, which rewarded him with another elbow to the ribs.

The Guard asked "Aren't you too old to go shopping with your mother? You look if you are in your thirties." He wondered when he would have a day when he didn't get any nut jobs in the shop.

"Our mother keeps us on a very tight leash. She likes to make sure that we stay together especially after our father died." Sherlock lied smoothly.

"And she wants us to stay with her even though Thomas doesn't like it." Anderson lied with a smirk "It means that he doesn't get to see his boyfriend."

"Frederick, John is not my boyfriend!" Sherlock growled as he fought the urge to strangle Anderson in front of the guard. The guard started to move out of sight and pretended that he was never in the aisle ,while Sherlock and Anderson started to fight.

"If he is not your boyfriend what is he then?" Anderson smirked knowing that he hit a soft spot with Sherlock.

"He is my best friend, my only friend. There is nothing sexual between us, we solve crime together and he blogs about it. That is it!" Sherlock shouted an old woman dropped her basket at the sound of shouting, a bottle of milk smashed on the floor and went everywhere. Sherlock flounced away from Anderson, mumbling about how he was an Idiot for asking Anderson to help him. Anderson heard his phone blare the Inspector Gadget theme song. He checked the message it was from Lestrade:

_New case. Serial killer. Come ASAP. –GL_

_I'm locked in a supermarket with Sherlock. I'll be quick as I can. –PA_

_Do I want to know? –GL_

_Depends, will I still have a job if I tell you the whole story? –PA_

_You may or may not. –GL_

_I won't tell you then. Do you want me to bring the freak for the case? –PA_

_When have we done a case without him? –GL_

_I'll bring him along then. – PA_

_Last thing, try not to kill each other. –GL_

Anderson wondered the aisles looking for Sherlock. While he was looking for him he looked in the aisles where a child might go. Both of the toy and sweet aisles were free of children. After ten minutes he came across Sherlock who was sulking in the shop café. The moment he saw Anderson, Sherlock turned his back and checked his phone.

"Greg has texted me, there is a case." Anderson said, hoping that Sherlock wouldn't be in that big of a huff. Sherlock looked up to him and went back to checking his phone. "It's a serial killer." Sherlock's eyes lit up slightly.

"Who's Greg?" Sherlock asked if the name was foreign to his ears, he had never met a Greg before in his life.

Anderson sighed "Lestrade. You really need to learn people's names."

Sherlock rolled his eyes "I more important things to remember than people's names Anderson."

"I know that you have 'important' things to think about. But it its polite to do so." Anderson sighed "Anyway my name is not Frederick, its Philip."

Sherlock scoffed "I don't care about your name. I have found out were we can get a dog though. There is guide dog training in the shop today. We can take a dog from there."

Anderson face palmed. "So we are going to steal a guide dog to help you get to a case quicker? Actually don't tell me I know the answer is yes."

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_Thank you for reading this and if you have any ideas I would love to hear them._


	4. Mycroft

Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own Sherlock and blah blah blah... Also thank you to everyone that has reviewed. Six reviews all ready! I feel so loved!

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Sherlock dragged Anderson through the shop until the found where the dogs were being trained. Sherlock had hoped that they could finish their business in the shop quickly as it meant that they could get to the case quicker. At the back of the shop there were two dog handlers and a few dogs. The dogs were large Labrador sized dogs with large floppy ears were doing as they were told, also there was a puppy with an overly large head and paws was running around the area and yelping at everything it saw. One of the handlers who actually hated dogs was trying to get the puppy to sit down and was failing. Anderson stood on his tip toes and looked over the crowd that had come to squeal at the puppy. Sherlock sighed at how people could be so amazed at a dog, they weren't exactly uncommon in London, maybe it was because the shop was in lock down and there was no other form of entrainment. Anderson couldn't help but go "Aww." at the puppy as it started to chase its tail. There was very few things on this world Anderson actually liked, but he did have a soft spot for puppies, he didn't know why he did he thought it was that they did stupid things and looked cute while doing them. Sherlock fake coughed loudly at Anderson and stopped him squealing at the dog. Anderson stopped acting like a girl and acted if nothing happened.

"So how are we going to get the dog then?" Anderson asked as he tried to pretend he didn't fawn over a dog. Sherlock stayed quiet for a few moments and started to pace the floor. He was thinking again. "Do you want me to turn around? Is my face putting you off again?" Sherlock made a gesture with his arm and continued pacing the floor. Anderson turned around and faced the wall, the things he had to do for Sherlock Holmes. It was an around five minutes later he turned around and looked at Sherlock again, who was still pacing around the shop.

"Have you thought of an idea yet?" Anderson asked hoping that Sherlock had actually come out with an idea that would be of any use. Sherlock grumbled something and continued walking and occasionally mumbling something. This was a day that Anderson thought he would never see, the great Sherlock Holmes, had not one single idea. For once in his life Anderson felt like a genius…well actually he wasn't as he didn't have any ideas either. Sherlock stopped his wandering as everybody was looking at him.

"What are you looking at?" He growled "I am thinking and all of you are putting me off. Go and look at those dogs, hopefully they will satisfy your short attention spans." People groaned and rolled their eyes at the detective as they turned their backs to go and watch the dog again. "Idiots." Sherlock grumbled.

Anderson felt the need to explain Sherlock's behaviour to everyone as a way to apologise for Sherlock's comment. "He works with chemicals, and he has inhaled a lot of them this morning and they make him go crazy…more than usual." People made the expected comments that would apply to the lie Anderson made up. "Not those types of chemicals. The ones you would find in a science classroom but they are more explosive." If looks could kill, Anderson would have been dead from the one that Sherlock was sending him right now. It clearly said 'If you would like to live after this shopping trip, I advise you to shut up, or I will find a new use for a tin opener that I have not thought of yet.'

Sherlock stopped glaring at Anderson when he heard his phone go off again. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the message. It was Mycroft.

_I am really am enjoying the show that you are conducting in Tesco. You should have your own television show. –MH_

_Well hello to you too, dear brother. Is there not a moment of the day when you feel the need to not spy on me? –SH_

_I'm not spying on you; I'm just looking after you. –MH_

_I don't need to be looked after. I am sure that every moment of my life fantasizing to you, but don't you have something better to do than watch me. –SH_

_I don't. –MH_

_How about I suggest some things you could do. You could: polish the handle of your umbrella, eat some cake and then go on another diet. Or you could take up a new hobby; I suggest origami as you won't get your suit dirty but watch out for paper cuts. –SH_

_Don't bring the diet into this. –MH_

_I just have and I can bring it up again. –SH_

_Don't be so childish. If you keep acting so, I am sure that your friends at Scotland Yard would love to know about how you wanted to be a pirate when you were little. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. –MH_

_And I am sure that Mummy will love to hear about who ate cousins Matilda's wedding cake. Or your incident with the rubber duck. –SH_

_You promised not to tell anyone about the rubber duck. That could ruin me if that gets out. –MH_

_I know. Stop spying on me and it stays secret. –SH_

_Fine. Its Mummy that wants me to check up on you…most of the time. I recommend that you see what Anderson is doing. –MH_

Sherlock looked up from his phone before he was getting dragged by Anderson who was carrying something that was shielded by his jacket. Anderson dragged Sherlock into the garden section and into a display model of a garden shed. Anderson looked out of the window and ducked down. He opened his coat and the puppy hopped out and chased its tail for a moment then attaching itself to Sherlock's face.

Sherlock squirmed and started to make a fuss over the puppy that was now licking him. "Anderson it is attacking me. Help!" He tried to move but the puppy had launched its self on his chest and was surprisingly heavy for a small dog. Anderson rolled his eyes before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a biscuit, he threw it to the other side of the shed and the dog ran for it.

"How did you manage to get the puppy? There was at least thirty people watching the stupid mutt and there was two dog handlers." Sherlock wondered how someone like Anderson managed to do something right without causing something to explode.

"It wasn't that hard." Anderson said smugly "I don't know why you struggled so much just to think of a way to do it."

"Anderson ,just get straight to the point or I will dedicate a website to your naked photos and get my brother to place it on every web page on every computer in Britain. And I will keep contaminating your crime scenes." Sherlock mentally face palmed himself for his last threat, he had a good thing going but then he just messed it up by saying that. Maybe it would get Anderson to stop droning on and on about how he was smarter than Sherlock Holmes.

Anderson took the threat and went straight to the point. He didn't want any more contaminated crime scenes as Sherlock would do something to make his job harder like get John to pee on a body with him to destroy the evidence.

"First of all I thought of distraction with sound to get the dogs attention, so I said the normal things to a dog like 'Come here boy.' and 'Want to go for a walk?' those didn't really work so I made noises like a cat." Sherlock imagined Anderson wearing a pair of cat ears and a tail meowing loudly. Sherlock wondered if he should cut down on his work with chemicals if he imagined things like this. "Then I did the most obvious thing there was an free sample for a type of biscuit so I dropped it on the ground and the puppy went to eat it and I took the dog."

Sherlock nodded "That is impressive for you Anderson. You managed to get the dog without being arrested yet. Your pictures and your crime scenes are safe for now." Sherlock checked the time, he had been in the shop for four hours. Four hours since he had to go and get the milk but he ended up causing a lock in and not being arrested. That was impressive and it should be a new world record at least. 'The most amount of trouble caused in Tesco's without being arrested' longest time four hours. Sherlock was going to get John to see if there was a record for that when he came back.

Hearing out loud what he had just done Anderson was worried about what he would do next in the shop. He had already done something that might be a criminal offence for Sherlock Holmes. If you told him yesterday that he would spend the day in a locked in supermarket with Sherlock Holmes he would of laughed in your face but this was real and he couldn't wait for the day to end.


	5. Anderson is not my boyfriend!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock and all rights belong to the BBC. Also thank you for the seven reviews I have got. I love you all for the ones who reviewed.

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"I can't believe that you are scared of a puppy!" Anderson snorted as Sherlock backed away from the puppy that was now leaning against his leg. It wasn't that was scared of dogs, but Baskerville had made him slightly anxious around dogs.

"Go away, you stupid mutt!" Sherlock mumbled at the dog "Go and annoy Anderson he has biscuits." He pointed in the direction of Anderson who was at the other side of the shed. The puppy ran up to Anderson and plonked itself on his lap and gave the look of neglect to Sherlock. "Stop looking at me like that! I haven't done anything to you."

Anderson scratched the dogs ears. "What has the dog done to you? He is harmless."

Sherlock rolled his eyes "First of all he has attacked me…"

Anderson cut Sherlock off "You mean he licked you."

"In my defence you don't know where that tongue has been." said Sherlock as if it was an afterthought Sherlock said "I think I should check on the children." Anderson just nodded; he couldn't be bothered to argue with Sherlock anymore, it had been a long day and it would keep feeling longer if he argued with the detective. "I'll go and check up on them." Sherlock said as he stood up and went to the shed door.

"Wait who said that you can check on the children?" Anderson protested suddenly the need to argue with the detective had developed again. "Who died and made you queen?"

"Anderson if you keep complaining it will be you who will be dead." Sherlock threatened "Anyway I am not staying in here with that hound, who knows what it will do."

"Yes it might chase its tail again or worse it might fall asleep, all the horrors it could do!" Anderson mocked. While they were arguing with each other they never noticed that the dog moved. Sherlock stood there glaring at Anderson, then he felt a something warm going into his shoe, he looked down and found that the puppy had a leg lifted and a guilty look on its face. "Well that is defiantly worse." Anderson was laughing so hard that he was clutching his sides.

"Shut up! It's not funny." Sherlock shouted as he took off his shoe and tried to dry it with his jacket, it was already ruined so it was fine to damage it some more, and John was paying for the dry cleaning bill. "Anderson do you have some of that deodorant that Sergeant Donavan wears on you? It can get rid of the smell that mutt has put on me."

Anderson rolled his eyes "Yes, because I keep deodorant with me at all times. Anyway that deodorant I wear is for men."

"Then why does it say for women on the bottle and it smells of lavender?. I broke into your locker at the Yard and I found the bottle. Sergeant Donavan has the same deodorant in hers as well."

"The scent of lavender can be used for both men and women. It smells nice." Anderson protested "Wait, what were you doing in my locker?"

Sherlock feigned innocence "Oh nothing." The truth was that he was giving Anderson a bit of pay back after their last case together as it involved Anderson 'accidently' shoving Sherlock into the Thames, and it ended to John having to jump in and rescue him, after that incident Sherlock was not a happy bunny with Anderson. He had filled his locker with an inflatable dinosaur pool toy and he had come across the deodorant lying on the bottom of the locker along several files. Minutes later he walked pass a table where Sargent Donavan's bag was left open and the same brand and kind of deodorant was in her bag. That was the day that Sherlock discovered that Anderson wore woman's deodorant regularly.

"The deodorant I use is for men." Anderson repeated just to make sure that Sherlock believed him. Sherlock used the smirk that said 'Sure it is and it would be easier if you just admit that you wear women's deodorant.'

"Prove it."

"I don't have to prove anything to you."

Sherlock coughed "Dinosaur fetish."

"I don't have a dinosaur fetish. I don't see what is sexually appealing about dinosaurs." Anderson shouted "I don't think dinosaurs are sexy!"

"Could you say that louder, I don't think the whole shop heard you."

"Shut up. Aren't we meant to be checking up on children anyway?" Anderson asked hopping that it would change the subject.

"We will both go as it means we can have a look for the missing child as well." Sherlock smirked "And while we are going there you can prove to me that it is not a woman's deodorant you wearing."

Anderson sighed "Whatever. Let's go, I want to get out of here as soon as possible. If I am here any longer I am going to go crazy."

"I thought that you were already crazy."

"You're one to talk. I don't know how John puts up with you."

The two of them kept arguing until they got to the body spray section when they found out that Anderson's deodorant was for women and that led onto an another argument. It wasn't until they got to the bakery when a girl who was wearing a deer stalker, scarf and pigtails ran up to them and nearly collapsed. Sherlock deduced: her boyfriend recently dumped her due to her obsession with him, she had a cat and she had not much of a social life.

"Oh my god it is Sherlock Holmes!" she squealed, she had a really nasally and annoying voice "I am your biggest fan in the whole wide world and I love you. I have even started up my own fan club that is dedicated to you. Can I have your autograph please?" She went into her bag and pulled out a picture of him and John and a pen and threw it at him.

Sherlock scribbled down his name and pushed the girl away. "Where's John." She asked "I don't like this new man as your boyfriend. John was a lot better. I totally ship you and John, I call you two Johnlock. Why did you get rid of John? He was so much better looking than you." Anderson turned bright pink and wished that he was at home right now. Sherlock remained silent and glared at the girl. "So what did you see in him to make you replace him for John?" The girl was driving Sherlock mental with all of her questions and he felt his temper rising.

"Anderson is not my boyfriend!" He shouted "And neither is John. Can you go away to your fanfiction and your club and leave me alone. I don't care what you do as long as it doesn't bother me." The girl ended up bursting into tears and ran away.

Anderson turned to Sherlock "I could get someone better than you." Sherlock jabbed him in the ribs again and the topic was never brought up with the two men again.

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Thank you all for reading and I am going to be writing a spin off story for Mycroft for the rubber duck incident soon, but I need to think of something embarrassing that involved a rubber duck. If you have an idea please write it down and I might use it.


	6. England Would Fall

Disclaimer: Sherlock doesn't belong to me and all rights belong to the BBC.

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"Sherlock, I said I was sorry!" Anderson shouted to Sherlock who was halfway across to the trolley lockers. "I didn't want for you to get offended." That was a little lie as Anderson was hoped that Sherlock was slightly offended after that Girl had ambushed them, Anderson called it 'The FanGirl incident' and he was thinking about the pros and cons to letting John write a blog post about it as it could get people to view his blog or at least add him on Facebook. He only had a few friends on the site and according to Lestrade they only followed him so they could make fun of him.

After that comment of how he could do better than Sherlock after that fanGirl had left, Sherlock had stormed away. He was getting into a huff over nothing, Anderson thought as he quickly made his way through the shop. So what if the thought he could do better than Sherlock? He wasn't even gay but he had just considered the pros and cons of dating Sherlock Holmes. The first thing he would do during his next day off is try to get a Girlfriend or he would arrange for Sally to come around to his flat for a bottle of wine and see what happened after that.

Sherlock stopped walking as he noticed that Anderson was at the other side of the shop. Wasn't Anderson just behind him? Sherlock pulled out his phone and started to text Anderson.

_You are taking too long. Hurry up. –SH_

_I am just coming. I was just thinking about something. –PA_

_Anderson, don't think out loud you will lower the IQ of the whole of the shop. SH_

_Just shut up. You are not exactly as amazing as you think you are. –PA_

_Wow, that is a great insult, have you been working on that one all week? –SH_

_For once in your life can you not insult me? –PA_

_No. –SH_

_Is it that difficult for you not insult me or offend me somehow? –PA_

_Very difficult. It would be easier for you to get a date. –SH_

_I hate you. –PA_

_The feeling is mutual. Stop annoying me with your messages and hurry up. –SH_

Anderson sighed and picked up the puppy and slowly started to walk to the trolley lockers just to annoy the detective. The puppy was squirming about in his jacket and whimpering about not being able to run about the shop. Anderson reached into his pocket and rummaged around for another biscuit for the puppy , the problem was that there was only one left. Anderson took note to snaffle a few more treats for the dog when he passed the free sample stand or hopefully he would be out of the shop before the puppy started to demand for another biscuit.

The moment that Anderson finally had strolled into the aisle that Sherlock wanted him to go in. "Thank you so much for taking your time." Sherlock commented, "When I ask you do something, you do it straight away."

"I am so sorry about making his royal majesty wait" Anderson rolled his eyes. "I don't know if you know this, but the world does not revolve around you and your cheekbones."

"What took you so long?" Sherlock asked as he checked his watch. "I took me three and a half minutes to walk here and you took eight minutes to go here."

Anderson didn't want to tell Sherlock about how he deliberately walked slowly to go to the lockers. Instead of the excuse of, "I got lost." It wasn't the best excuse but then again he was not the best at lying, but it was a rather stupid reason so Sherlock would believe him.

"Did you not see the signs?" Sherlock asked and Anderson shook his head. "Well, you were not going to see them as you wouldn't know where to look and due to the fact that you have a little childlike brain." Sherlock smirked, he did always feel rather good about himself after he did insult Anderson, and each insult was like a cigarette to him as they were that addicting. "You can make sure that no one is by the lockers and make sure that they don't see me with children in a locker and they get me arrested."

Anderson sighed and passed the puppy to Sherlock who held the dog away from himself in disgust. "Stop being such a drama queen!" Anderson commented "It is just a dog and not a bomb, it won't explode if it goes close to you."

"It might decide to urinate on me again and my best pair of shoes and jacket is ruined, and if something else gets ruined you will be paying for a replacement."

"Fine, I will buy you a replacement only if it will make you stop complaining." Anderson sighed. "How much does your shirt cost? I will pick you up a new shirt from the shop after we find the child and return the dog."

"Five hundred pounds." Sherlock stated "I don't think you would be able to afford one as you have made a recent expensive purchase."

"You spend that much on a shirt?" Anderson exclaimed "That costs more than my rent. I don't know why you would want to spend that much money on clothes. You must have a lot of money."

Sherlock clapped his hands slowly. "Brilliant Anderson." He commented "You should go into acting as that was a brilliant impression of an idiot. Keep it up and you will get your Oscar soon."

"Next time we do a drugs bust, I'm taking your violin." Anderson threatened, the detective shot him a look that basically said 'Are you that stupid?' Anderson sighed "I'll take your skull." Sherlock shot him the same look. "I'll take Mrs Hudson."

"You will not take Mrs Hudson." Sherlock growled "Without her England would fall." It wasn't a secret about how Sherlock adored Mrs Hudson, it was so obvious that a neon flashing sign could be above Sherlock's head saying: 'I am a Mrs Hudson lover' or 'Team Hudson' Next to the one that said 'Sociopath' or the one that said 'I love bubble baths.' Anderson wondered why he thought that Sherlock was one for bubble baths, but then again he had been locked in a shop with him for four hours and this was the start of insanity. Anderson snorted, he lost his sanity the first day he had met Sherlock.

"Fine, I won't take away your old lady . Just go and open the locker, I want to get out of here before 'Come dine with me' starts." Anderson opened started to walk around the aisles to make sure that there was nobody coming around to the locker. Thankfully there was not any people in the nearby aisle. "They must be looking at the dogs." Anderson said out loud.

Sherlock dropped the puppy back into Anderson's arms and slid the lock open and slowly opened up the door. The little Girl walked over to Sherlock and crossed her arms and shot the detective a death glare. "Have you got my sweets yet?" She demanded.

"Not yet" Sherlock said slowly, mostly as he was slightly confused about why the Girl would be angry at him, he had only locked her and her brother in a trolley locker for a few hours, it wasn't that bad, he had done worse things to John and he didn't complain. "But I was making sure that you were not dead, and by the fact that you are talking to me, it means that my hypothesis is correct."

"You don't have a hippopotamus." The Girl said, Sherlock winced at her using the wrong word, he was about to correct her, but before he could open his mouth the Girl butted in with: "You are an idiot."

Anderson snorted at Sherlock getting insulted by a child who couldn't be more than five. He looked at the detective who now resembled a confused fish as he kept opening and closing his mouth in shock at being called an idiot. Knowing that it was the only correct thing to do but he got the Girl to high-five him. "You just got served!" he shouted. "Do you want some ice for that burn?"

Sherlock took a deep breath and tried to restrain the urge to murder Anderson in front of children and a puppy, by the end of the day he decided that he was going to need at least twenty boxes of cigarettes to recover from getting his intelligence insulted by a child. "Do you know where your brother might be?" he asked as he tried to change the subject.

The Girl pointed to her brother that was in the locker and was spinning around in a circle for no reason. Sherlock thought that this must have have been what Anderson must have been like as a child and smirked. "Not that brother but the other one, the one that ran away after your mummy went away to the toilets."

"Are you meaning James?" The Girl asked "Mummy says that he causes a lot of trouble when he runs away." Anderson mumbled something in agreement.

"Yes, that brother." Sherlock sighed "Where would he be?"

The Girl remained quiet for a moment and then whispered something into her brother who had stopped spinning ear. After a few moment of the two siblings muttering to each other, the Girl spoke. "Isaac says that, James would be in the clothes bit or the fish bit."

Sherlock nodded and thanked the Girl and her brother and was about to shove the children back into the locker again when Isaac went to Anderson and tugged on his jacket. "Can I touch the puppy?" he asked. Anderson nodded and slowly lowered himself down and the two children started to stroke the puppy. Occasionally the puppy would yelp and lick the children's faces and hands and in return the children would giggle.

After a few minutes Sherlock announced: "It's time to go back and play hide and seek again." The children groaned and the Girl who had identified herself as Holly muttered the word 'idiot' under her breath.

"I am bored in the locker, there is nothing to do but spin round and round and round." Isaac complained. "Can we go with you?"

Sherlock was about to complain but then Holly gave him the look that looked if she was going to throw a tantrum, and honestly Sherlock couldn't be bothered with any tantrums at the moment. Sherlock sighed "Fine you can go with us, but you have to do what I say, Anderson you should listen as well." If looks could kill, Sherlock would be dead from the one Anderson was sending him. "Number one : you listen to me. Number two; don't move away from the group and number three; if one of you dies or does something stupid, I'm leaving you behind. Do you understand me?"

Everyone quickly agreed and they started to walk along to the fish counter. Isaac stopped walking and tugged on Sherlock's arm and mumbled something about needing the toilet. Sherlock sighed and turned around "Does anyone else need the bathroom and if you do put your hands up."

The three other members of his traveling pack put up their hands. And their journey to find James would take even longer, Sherlock thought that he was never going to make it out of the shop alive as he would be there for the rest of his life. He had the feeling that Mycroft would be laughing at him right now from his cameras. Sherlock decided that his brother ever brings up this day to him, he will not be responsible for his actions and something would be getting broken and it wasn't going to be his brother's umbrella.

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Thank you for reading and sorry for taking so long to update, I've been so bust with school and exams and I was plagued with the most terrible writers block in the world, but hopefully I am cured from that.


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